Addicted to Brokenness. Or Control. Or Both.

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But we who would be born again indeed, must wake our souls unnumbered times a day.  George MacDonald

"We are the Beloved.  Our hearts are the most important thing about us, and our desire is wild because it is made for a wild God.  We are the Beloved, and we are addicted.  We've either given our heart to other lovers and can't get out of the relationships, or we've tried our best to kill desire (often with the help of others) and live lives of safe, orderly control.  Either way, we play into the hands of the one who hates us.  Satan..." - John Eldridge

My Maker grieves for me.  I know He does.  For when I reflect His wild nature, I pursue life in all the wrong places.

Some pursue perfection, and fall asleep hopeless every. single. night.  

Some crave an unquenchable, temporary passion, and find themselves drowning in brokenness.

Some run after achievement only to find it forever just out of reach.   

Some hunger for others' approval, and can never get satisfied.  (I tried that for years.)

And when I do recognize the mess of my idol-craving spirit, I quiet the wild in my heart.  I ignore the way I was created.  And I pursue control.  And order.  And hurt everyone around me in the pursuit.

And so today, I walk my ordinary streets but choose to see beyond them.  I see the Rescuer with His wild love for me and His eyes wooing the wildness out of my heart.  I ignore the fear my Enemy whispers.  And I beg Him for courage to love Him back.