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A week ago I would have called myself Christan, The Encourager. You see, I've identified "encouragement" as my talent, my spiritual gift, for a long time. There are characteristics that require much discipline, and then there are traits that just seem to spill out of us. (Ummm... yeah... good and bad ones.)
I've played the role of peacemaker. Cheerleader. Motivator. Perspective-giver. I've grabbed the half-full glass and begged my friends to drink it. It just sort of happens.
But maybe this trait has hurt me as a parent. Maybe the woman wrestling to be authentic in her own life has been training her kids to do the opposite.
"Oh, sweetie, that's awful. You'll have a better day tomorrow."
"Look at the bright side. We don't have a snow day, but at least we have a four-day week next week."
"Yeah, you came in second in the field day race... but there's always next year."
And on. And on. And on.
Scary stuff. I've been doing this for a decade with my children.
And while there's a place for my "gift" in my children's lives, I might be bestowing it upon them a little too soon. Like immediately. Might they need a mom who empathizes and teaches them it's okay to actually experience the depth of what they're feeling - and then name it - before "looking on the bright side"? Might they have a better chance of entering adult relationship with their masks tucked in their back pockets instead of permanently on their faces? And (this is the hard one) what makes me uncomfortable with my children being sad? Or angry?
And this is when I desperately beg God for discernment because I know He wants me to help my children stand when they can't on their own. I know He wants me to guide them with a healthy perspective of this broken world. I know He wants me to shine truth where there is darkness.
If you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding...
...The LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity.
...You will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path;
for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Proverbs 2:3-10
And I have the assurance He's ultimately shielding my son, my daughter, from the brokenness of their mommy. And I'm hoping my mistakes will make them run all the faster to their Rescuer. But for now, I'll choose to sit with them in the sadness for a little while. I'll be their companion as they wrestle through their own Psalm of angst.
And I'll trust my Maker to show me when to give them my gift.
I find myself trying to hurry my kids out of sad feelings all the time! I think part of it is the perspective that what they are upset about to me isn't a big deal, and also, as a parent, I don't want them to be sad. You are so right, emotions need to be named, dwelled in and THEN moved forward!
ReplyDeleteSo much of a young family's life seems to include hurrying, and I guess dealing with sadness is no exception. Thanks for stopping by, Beth.
DeleteThis resonates with me so much. I am an encourager also, and continue to want to show my kids the positive side of life. I keep reminding myself that I didn't feel the way I do now as a child. I am trying to remember that their struggles will be their growth with Jesus, even if they don't realize it until later in their lives. Thank you for your lovely blog, I really feel at home here.
ReplyDeleteYes. I hear you. I, too, as a little girl, didn't feel the way I do now when it comes to having perspective of "the big picture." Thanks for your kind words, Alyson. I'm glad you're here, too. :)
Delete"Might they have a better chance of entering adult relationship with their masks tucked in their back pockets instead of permanently on their faces?"
ReplyDeleteLove that line. If sitting with them in their sorrow, their disappointment, their confusion, and their joy enables your children to grow up able to do that, it will be one of the greatest gifts you can give them.
Annie was my 2nd of 2 screamers. I had 2 babies that just cried almost all of the time, un-soothable, for what felt like an entire year. I pretty much lost my mind & a friend said to me, "Remember, happiness is not the only acceptable emotion." I still think of that every day.
A wise friend you have, Andi. I will choose to remember those words, too. Thank you.
ReplyDelete