Congrats

Congratulations to Nancy, the winner of Tuesday’s giveaway!  She will receive a ring from The Bird’s Feather, custom made to her ring size.  (Nancy, send me your contact info via email… just click on my profile to the right to find the email link.)

As Nancy treasures her new gift, may you all ponder how treasured you are by your Maker.  The ring will adorn her finger, but you all are carved on His hand  (Isaiah 49:16).

Ordinary Captives

42, 360. Over forty-thousand conquered people. 

They were just little children when life was ripped from them… when their culture and faith were invaded… when they were too young to understand.  Night after night, they might have swallowed their confusion pretending to be asleep, listening to their parents weep.  And weep some more.

Seventy years.  A lifetime in a foreign land had made it seem not so foreign.  They had buried their broken-hearted parents who never reconciled their misplaced lives.  Their misplaced hearts.  Their regret of unfaithfulness.   Seventy years in captivity fostered ignorance of freedom -  or maybe ignorance of bondage.

But these grandparents – part of the 42, 360 – were encouraged by the King of Persia  to return to their land and rebuild God’s dwelling place.  Their Maker was establishing His redemptive work amidst captivity… redefining their view of worship amidst brokenness.

And so they journeyed with their children and grandchildren and all they owned to the home of their parents.  They journeyed with memories told to them.  They journeyed with the weight of their parents’ broken hearts and the hope of their own, aging ones.  “Everyone whose heart God had moved prepared to go up and build the house of the Lord on Jerusalem.” (Ezra 1:5)  Over forty-thousand ordinary people were written into God’s story of redemption for that time in history.

Aware – yet not really – of their family history, they became vulnerable.  They carried their family’s generational sins, the fragments they had so pensively tried to understand and piece together throughout their lifetime.  Unanswered questions.  Secret pain.  They laid it down.

“When they arrived at the house of the Lord in Jerusalem, some of the heads of the families gave freewill offerings toward the rebuilding of the house of God on its site.” (Ezra 2:68)

When they arrived they gave an offering.  Generosity born out of captivity.  Gifts beyond what was required. 

Soften our hearts, Lord.  Draw us to Yourself.  Teach us how to lay it all down and worship You despite years of baggage and wrong choices and idols.  Pry our hands open.  Pry open our hearts, too.

My Very First Giveaway

June is my birthday month, and birthdays – like most holidays – tend to turn into times of reflection for me.

I started Repurposed Heart (under the name “Heart of A Coach’s Wife”) last summer - almost a whole year ago – having no idea what the past ten months would hold in my family’s life.  But my Maker did.  He’s tenderly used the very words I’ve documented for our online community to minister to me in my times of wrestling and grace-growing. 

Thank you for the words of encouragement you’ve passed along to me on your own blogs, in private emails, and in face to face conversations with you local St. Louis girls.  I’m grateful.

And as a way of saying thank you, I’m hosting my very first giveaway.  One randomly selected winner will get to pretend it’s her birthday, too!

Jami over at The Bird’s Feather has recently invited the world into her talent.

She (like my other sisters-in-law) motivates me to have a creative project going when the holidays gather us together.  One Christmas it was knitting. Another year it was wire and bead ornaments.  Another time was jewelry-making… but Jami has taken it to a whole new level.  I can do earrings and bracelets, but rings?!  Who makes rings?!   Thankfully – for all of us – Jami does that and more!

Combining her pensive heart and creative hand, she writes at The Bird’s Feather while weaving affordable creations for sale into her posts.  She recently presented her tree of life pendant… it’s absolutely gorgeous!  You can also check out her selections at The Bird’s Feather Facebook page.  Just click on Photos, and you’ll see what she has available.  Jami’s really low-key and takes orders right in the dialogue of her blog comments or Facebook posts.  And for those of you who live near southwest Missouri, stop on over at The Farmer’s Daughter where her rings are featured.  This brand new, enchanting shop is located behind Lambert’s Cafe in Ozark (Hwy 65 and CC). 

To win the ring pictured above, all you need to do is leave a comment.  Open to followers and guests alike – both in the US and abroad -  your one comment gives you a chance at winning!  (If your profile does not include a way to contact you, please email me your contact information.)  If you’re selected, Jami will create the ring to your specific size.  The winner will be announced Friday morning at 9am (CDT).

Have a great week!

Letters from My Dad

I still have them.  Stacks and stacks of cards received during my four years of college.  From my dad.  Yes, from my father.

Twelve hours apart, my dad pursued me over and over.  He didn’t fear the shifting of time nor the girl changing into woman. 

Tenderness folded up just for me…intentions fulfilled in a society marked by crowded lifestyles and vast regrets.

And I believe  my Maker, my Father of eternity, my God – I choose to believe he loves me, too.  My thoughts are certain of it.  But, oh, how my heart wrestles to embrace truth as I wait.  And wait.  I’m  so childlike, forgetting my life is part of something beyond my own pages.

Yet He pursues just like my dad writing letters. 

O LORD, how long shall I cry for help,
   and you will not hear?
Or cry to you "Violence!"
   and you will not save?
Why do you make me see iniquity,
   and why do you idly look at wrong?…

And He replies...


"Look among the nations, and see;
   wonder and be astounded.
For I am doing a work in your days
   that you would not believe if told. 
"Write the vision;
   make it plain on tablets,
   so he may run who reads it.
For still the vision awaits its appointed time;
   it hastens to the end—it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it;
it will surely come; it will not delay.  Habakkuk 1:2-5

My Father writing letters.  The vision – His vision – will not lie.

Angry and honest and feeling forgotten, I join Habakkuk and cry against injustice -- my own injustice.

Wait, my child.  I promise.  You can't imagine the whole deal, but trust Me.  It’s not about you.  Wait as My vision, My plan, meets fufillment.  Wait for the last chapter.  Write this promise down and run with it.

Happy Father’s Day.

Broken vs. Impenetrable

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”  - C.S. Lewis

Truth is so hard sometimes…

A Deeper Dying

“In His mercy God stands silently by and permits us to agonize.  We simply cannot turn to Him until we have nowhere else to turn.”     - Elisabeth Eliot, Loneliness

“Deeper and deeper must be the dying, for wider and fuller is the lifetide that is to liberate - no longer limited by the narrow range of our own being, but with endless powers of multiplying in other souls.  Death must reach the very springs of our nature to set it free: it is blindly, helplessly, recklessly, dying to our very selves.  A dying must come upon all that would hinder God’s working through us…”    - Lilias Trotter, Parables of the Cross

My seven year-old took the picture above during a recent trip to the geographical heart of America for a family reunion.  “Deeper must be the dying, for wider and fuller is the lifetide that is to liberate.”

And God has used her and her brother to liberate me… to strip me of my expectations for this life… to refocus what I think is important… to abandon the notion that all must perfect.  My life’s beauty is most often found in the broken, for that is when redemption whispers its shout.

Dying.  Liberation.  Deeper.  Wider.

Keeping My Heart

I’m discovering I need to heed my own mommy advice.  Drink from my own cisterns of instruction.  Run to my own springs of healing.  Journey on the same road to which I’m pointing my children.

²³Keep your heart with all vigilance,
   for from it flow the springs of life.
²⁴Put away from you crooked speech,
   and put devious talk far from you.
²⁵Let your eyes look directly forward,
   and your gaze be straight before you.
²⁶Ponder the path of your feet;
then all your ways will be sure.
²⁷Do not swerve to the right or to the left;
   turn your foot away from evil.            - Proverbs 4:23-27

When we first stepped on the path of parenting, we were mentored by ordinary parents – experienced guides - who challenged us.  “Don’t settle for changing your kids’ behavior…anyone can do that by force or manipulation.  Get to their heart.  Find the root of their sin - and with God - begin to mold and shape them.  Oh, it takes much longer than changing their actions, just so you know.  It takes an entire childhood.  You’ll be embarrassed a lot with this method.” 

And we continue to discover that bickering in our home often points to a core of self-centeredness.  Disobedience usually reflects a tiny person’s yearning to be in control.  Bullying words mirror an arrogant heart… or maybe an insecure one.

Yes, I think I need to heed my own advice to my children.

Keep your heart with all vigilance.  The words that flow from my lips, the choices I make, my actions and reactions – they all mirror my heart.  Maybe I need to dig deeper with honest eyes more than I need self-control.

Self-centeredness.  Control.  Arrogance.  Oh, and insecurity, of course.

Keep my own heart.  With all vigilance.  Only by your grace, God.

Wisdom

“Just ask for it,” a friend challenged.  “The Bible says He will give it to anyone who asks.”

Wisdom.

I tend to think of it as something that will mystically, gradually appear in my life over the years.  Many years.  But I need it now. 

“If you… receive my words
   and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
   and inclining your heart to understanding;
yes, if you call out for insight
   and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
   and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you… will understand the fear of the LORD
   and find the knowledge of God...
then you will understand righteousness and justice
   and equity, every good path;
for wisdom will come into your heart,
   and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
discretion will watch over you,
   understanding will guard you.”                     Proverbs 2:1-5, 9-11

If… I have a teachable heart and “treasure up” his truth.  Treasure up. If I turn my ear toward wisdom.  Just turn my ear.  I can do that.  If I call out and raise my whispers in desperation.  If I value it.  Search for it.  Just ask.

Then… I will understand the Gospel.  I will understand how to surrender my works and rest in what He has already done.  I will understand the balance of loving others and setting boundaries.  Boundless love.  Smart boundaries.

“Just ask for it.”